So a while ago I told myself I would open up a bit on here and let you guys know a bit more about me. There is quite a bit to cover so I think this will be a two part thing. I still haven’t revealed my real name or posted a pic where you can see my face. I just thought it would be easier for me to be honest and comfortable this way… for now.
So like I wrote about on my first post ever: https://couchtorunning.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/about-me-where-i-am-and-where-i-want-to-be/
I have been struggling with my self image for a long time and my weight has been an actual real concern the past 3-4 years. So I wanted to open up about what happened in those 3-4 years.
During my 2nd year at university school got tough. I had a very hard course load and was struggling to keep up with it all. That year something big happened. I come from a family of 3 girls (I am the youngest). My oldest sister lives in USA with her husband and kids. My family means the world to me and so that is why this event was particularly hard. I remember being at work (at this time I was working in the same clinic as my middle sister) and one of my coworkers called me to the lunch room as my sister apparently wanted to talk to me. I walked in the room to find my sister in tears and she says “She (my oldest sis) has cancer”. I don’t remember the exact thoughts in my head but I was in shock. My sister had told me that they found a mass and they were doing a biopsy but I remember thinking “she is going to be fine” and nothing bad could happen. I still remember talking to her on the phone and saying “Don’t freak yourself out and worry until you have to”. Never did I think it was going to end up like that.
My sis and I immediately went home to be with my parents. We decided we needed to all go see her as a family. We made arrangements and were on the first flight out the next morning. I stayed for about a week and had to come back home because of school. My mom and sister decided they were going to stay there to help her through her treatment and to be there for my nieces through this time. They were still very young (about 7 and 9) but enough to understand some of what was going on. My mom was able to take care of the kids and keep them busy while my sister was by my oldest sister’s side throughout her treatment. Because of the distance and school I had to be alone. My dad was there for some time and with me a bit but he also had things he had to manage overseas. He had to dig up finances to allow my mom and sister to not work and be there.
I felt so hopeless being so far away from my family. School was overwhelming and dealing with the emotional state of what was going on didn’t help. I stopped working out and was eating poorly. It was hard taking care of myself, the house, and all the responsibilities. I was 19 or 20 and although I wasn’t very young I don’t think I was ready for all that. Cooking, cleaning, studying, working and trying to maintain a life was challenging and on top of that I was not in a good place.
My sister did her chemo and radiation and the treatment worked. She has now been cancer free for a couple years. I am always still so scared it is going to come back. My family came home near the end of my 2nd year. The impact that event had on my life has changed me forever. Honestly the rest is a bit of a blur until about a year after that where another event shook my life once more.
I have rambled on a bit and I know this was long so thank you for reading. I will post part 2 of this tomorrow or the day after. I feel a bit better getting this off my chest.